I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
