So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
