Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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