Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
