you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
