Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
