Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
