this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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