i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
