My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
