I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize