marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
