Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
