I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
