Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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