you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
