when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
