i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize