My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
