"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
