DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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