Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
