I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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