it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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