I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
