im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
