i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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