i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
