im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
