My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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