that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I could have mohawked her pubes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Two words: blizzard sex
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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