Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
