You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
