I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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