at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Randomize
