Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
