xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My cat gives me a boner
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
