She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
