Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize