My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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