haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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