Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
