just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
