drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize