did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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