I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Found your dick twin last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
