we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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