Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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