He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
