You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize