whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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