I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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