I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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