if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
