he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
