non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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