New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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