just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
