I puked a lego.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
