I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize