This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
