As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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