no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
