If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
