i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my being single is dangerous.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
