I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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