There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
