You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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