love makes seman taste better
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
