that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
