Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
