So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
