Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
