i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't deserve a penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
