I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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