Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
