when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
