went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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