and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
