HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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