he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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