Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
