shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
