Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
