just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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