If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
