In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
