Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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