sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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