Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
