Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
