Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
