her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
