That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
