my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Semen is not good for contacts.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
