I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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