On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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