Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
